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October 2022

A tiny green plant poking out of a cracked pavement
My small joys

Change One Moment, Change Your Life

I discovered that I change my whole outlook on life, moment by moment.

I started listening to the audiobook Atomic habits, recommended by a friend. And it seems like a game-changer to me! I needed this book at this particular moment in my life.

The premise of the book is that we build our life out of thousands of tiny habits every day, and the nature of the habits determines the quality of our future life because they accumulate over time with an interest.

I realized that for a long time, I continuously created little moments of feeling terrible and anxious, and now I want to consciously start creating moments where I feel good in the here and now. Moments that accumulate into a happy life in the here and now

I realized that there was a narrative running in my head all the time about how painful, horrible, and difficult my life was. Even when I have no reason to feel it at the moment, I hold on to that narrative, I see everything in its light.

I can’t put it away completely yet, but I can put it away for that single moment when nothing terrible is happening to me and, on the contrary, there might be a reason to be happy. I can even create joy for myself and rejoice at the moment.

I wouldn’t have been able to do something like that before, I guess it takes time to come to this mindset. I hope that I will gradually be able to put the whole story about how life is so terrible to live completely aside.

I hope one day not far away I will have a completely different story. And creating it starts right now.

A photo of two people from behind - a man gently hugging a woman around her shoulders.
Life & thoughts, Mental Health

Have Compassion for Those Who Are Suffering

A lot of people who overcame horrible things gained a great empathy from their ordeal.

But a lot of people who overcame horrible things lack a bit of empathy. They believe that if they did it, everyone can (and often, that they should it do their way). They may even look down on people who didn’t overcome their obstacles.

But while I believe everything is overcomable, not everyone can overcome everything at this very moment. It may require years of work. It may seem like too much. Not everyone has the right tools and someone to show them a clear path. Not everyone can find that clear path out of the pain by themselves.

Please, have compassion for suffering. It is real. All people try their best. Sometimes it simply isn’t not their time yet.

An image of a tree that has heart for leaves and in its roots, a big red heart is hiding.
Life & thoughts, Mental Health

A Month of Doing Only What I Love

In November, I’m going to do only things that bring me joy. No obligations, no work, just joy. Sounds almost outrageous, right? But the journey to this decision wasn’t a pleasant one. 

It happened like this: I burnt out. I burnt out badly. I currently sleep over 18 hours a day, and just 15 minutes of (barely) concentrating on work means several hours when I have to lie down and don’t even have the strength to listen to an audiobook. 

I have just started getting my life together after a bad breakup recently. We were together for almost 11 years. I still love him. But I’m beginning to see how our dynamic – dependent/codependent – was extremely unhealthy and how much my thinking changed for the better after the breakup. It still hurts, though. Knowing it’s good for my mental health doesn’t stop the pain

My first burnout several years ago left me unable to work at all, so I was financially dependent on him. I hate to write these words down, I hate that I feel so useless. 

And after the breakup, I had to start working, no matter how unwell I was. He promised he would continue to support me until I found my feet. So I began searching for clients, writing texts… and having impostor syndrome the size of a small planet. Because how can I be a professional, how can I be of any use to someone, when I’m in this state? 

My already bad anxiety had extremely worsened. The first thing I felt upon waking every day was intense mental pain, and fear of the day ahead. When I thought about work, my head started spinning and I felt like I would faint. Sometimes I had to lie down even when I was outside on a walk, in order not to collapse.

I vomited. My therapist had sent me to bed from an online session that I tried to have in between bouts of barfing. And the next time, when I was falling asleep from exhaustion. And the next time. 

You probably get the picture. And after three months of this, my body apparently decided it had had enough, and just shut down. 

Just as I was beginning to feel less fearful about my writing, just when I landed a great part-time job as a writer for a magazine that I was so proud of, just when I started to overcome my social phobia and venture among people on a regular basis – everything fell apart. 

I felt so betrayed by life. I had put so much effort in, just to have everything I achieved yanked from me. 

But I had to figure out what to do. And the answer became obvious: I need to stop working. At least for a little while. I negotiated a month off with my clients, including the amazing, shiny new job at a magazine. Yes, I recognize that this is a privilege. But so is being healthy enough to work.

I knew I had to rest, rest and rest. “Rest until you are bored to tears,” one person from a late-diagnosed autistic Facebook group where I asked for burnout advice wrote to me. “And then rest some more.”

Of course, I have to fight an immense urge to jump on my other projects. I want to start an online business, it has been my dream for a long time. And now I have a whole mont… no! No, no, no. Just rest.

And I realized that a part of resting is this: doing what makes me happy. Even if it was just for the 15 minutes a day during the time when I can stay functioning. So I do it. 

Yesterday, I edited a short story I wrote a while ago. Today, I translated it from English to Czech. (Yes, I had to translate it into my native language.) I changed my job position on Facebook to positivity blogger, and then once more, to authenticity blogger. And now I’m writing this post.

I decided to change the way I write on this blog to be more authentic. And I changed the motto of this blog to “Positivity despite adversity“. I wanted to keep this space focused solely on positivity, but I realized that it had felt forced. I had to force myself to write. It wasn’t the right way for me.

I decided instead to write about my mental health experiences, alongside the small joys. People say that they see my posts about mental health as positive. I usually get the best reactions when I don’t just gloss over mental illness and other hardships of life. When I write from my heart, the words come easily. They flow out of me like a river.

I feel fulfilled. Yes, I’m terrified about what is happening to me, when it will end, how long it will last, and how I will be able to take care of myself in the long run if it doesn’t go away… 

But when I allowed myself to just do what makes me happy, I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I didn’t give myself permission to do things that just bring me joy for a very long time. Everything was planned, everything had to serve some purpose. Now I just feel… and do. And rest.

I don’t know what exactly I want to do for my online business anyways. I jump from idea to idea and I’m not completely happy with any of them. (Even if I have a little something that I’m slowly building now.) Maybe this time will allow me to discover what truly makes me feel fulfilled. To find my direction. And if not… Well, at least I will have a good time.

Yes, it’s apparently possible to have a good time even when I’m in burnout. I need to learn to respect the needs of my body… and to respect the needs of my soul.

Yes, I’m terrified. And elated. I’m curious about what this month will bring. How it will change me. 


P.S. I just realized the night after writing this post that most people call a month when they can do their active hobbies for 15 minutes a day just “life”. But whatever, I’m happy regardless. 🙂

An image of a person covering their face by a smiley face drawn on a red sheet of paper
My small joys

What Is Toxic Positivity And Why You Won’t Find It Here

I’m trying to spread positivity, but not the toxic kind.

Imagine the proverbial glass of water. 🥛 You can look at it and see it as half empty, or half full. But no matter how you look at it, you won’t magically change it into a full glass. It’s impossible.

✔️ Healthy positivity is trying to make the best of bad situations while recognizing that it’s hard, and enjoying the good ones. It is drinking the half-glass of water and enjoying it.

❌ Toxic positivity is convincing yourself that the glass is always completely full. But no matter how full you imagine it, you still won’t be able to drink more than a half-glass of water.

If you are making plans that depend on the full glass, you will go thirsty at some point. And you will be wondering why.

My small joys

From My Diary Of Joy – Week 42

This is a selection of my small joys that I wrote down in my journal this week. Enjoy the reading! I hope it will inspire you, at least a little bit.


I was able to pet my white mousey Daisy – and she held still! Which she almost never does. She is always in motion.

I also petted a white poodle that was waiting in front of the post office. He had super-fluffy fur! Poodles are my absolute favorite, I had one and definitely plan to have a poodle again in the future. 🐩

Walking through a shower of golden falling leaves.

Rereading the Scholomance series by Naomi Novik. It’s pretty dark, but so, so good!

Finally scanning the positive affirmations coloring pages I have created 🙂

A massage (bliss.)

Several sunny days. I’m solar-powered so my mood went up a lot.

A small piranha of a stafbul puppy – she has bitten me quite ferociously, like puppies do, but she was so cute that I just couldn’t mind! And her human was wery friendly, we had a nice talk.

Starting an audiobook Atomic Habits – and a giant realization how to create a happy life I had while listening. (I will write about it later.)

Annnnd a not-so-small joy: I got a part-time job writing for a real paper magazine! And I can select most of my own topics. They had multiple candidates and picked me based on the quality of my writing! I’m so proud and grateful.


What are your latest joys? Share them in the comments! 🙂